Dealing with her Ultimatums

11:52 AM // 0 comments // Unknown // Category: Dating , Facts , Tips , Tricks //

No matter how adjusting your spouse or girlfriend is, it’s only natural for she will want things her way now and then.

Although, it’s ok to let woman have their way at times, you know she’s crossing the line when she’s resorts to the ultimate in relationship weapon - the ultimatum.

This is when you face the patented female cry of, "or else", the most. She might threaten to leave you or to just make your life miserable; either way, there are a few tactics that can help you out when dealing with ultimatums. Sure you can snub her but ignore these only if you are willing to listen to her countless banter during the India-Australia finals.

These tactics are especially useful if you judge your situation correctly and react accordingly. Read the Xperts view and to get prepared for just about anything she can throw your way, and how you can diffuse an otherwise no-win situation. While you might not get these exact bombs thrown your way, this Xpert’s guide can help you categorize what she wants and what to do when dealing with ultimatums.

Ultimatum no. 1

“You spend too much time with your friends, stop-it, or else we’re spending more time with my family.”

Xpert tactic: Deflect the threat

If the request is outrageous, it's fine to turn-tables and send the ultimatum back at her. If she says, “if you loved me you wouldn't go out with the friends tonight,” your can respond by saying, "if you loved me you wouldn’t stop me from having a personal life” or “if you loved me you wouldn’t be afraid of me having a social life." It’s a good idea to make your girl see the situation if she’s in it. No woman can expect complete compliance when she's asking you to change, so when you rework her ultimatum into a response that focuses on her, she'll understand how the situation might really be about her and not you. Granted, your approach will have to be gentler than what’s presented, but you get the general idea.

Ultimatum no. 2

“We don’t talk about our relationship ever, this way our relationship is going to end.”

Xpert tactic: Comply with it

This is quiet a serious ultimatum in any relationship and can definitely spell relationship-disaster if you don't play your cards right. Since she’s not being unreasonable and it does not require you to go out of your way than normal relationship behavior, it’s ok in-this-case to do as she asks (read requests). You should realize that you can get away with upping your communication level only slightly and she'll still be receptive. She might even feel a compelling bond between the two of you and consequently be sexier in bed.

Ultimatum no. 3

"My family insists I marry someone that’s the same religion, so you have to convert or we can’t get married."

Xpert tactic: Rationalize with her

It may be a good idea to first weigh your own priorities. If the issue matters to her more, and not so much of a big-deal for you than comply with her as it may be a sincere request disguised as an ultimatum. However, if you are truly opposed to what she wants from you, it's time to take out your thinking cap. The best thing to do when dealing with ultimatums of this sort is to explain the reasons behind your opinion and have a discussion about why her issue isn't a possibility for you right now -- or ever. Since there are other parties involved, it may require you to reason with them as well as these types of requests are touchy and emotional, a simple “no” won't suffice; she's going to need solid reasoning for your refusal.

Ultimatum no. 4

“If you don't help fold your clothes and keep them back in the closet the 'right' way, I'm going to stop doing it all together.”

Xpert tactic: Ignore it

Just because she drops the “my way or the highway” bomb, doesn't mean you have to react and get into an argument. If her request is not relationship threatening and is really a minor threat, she's probably trying to work out another relationship issue by baiting you.

Xpert Warning: Only use this tactic when dealing with ultimatums that are of the” take out the trash” sorts.

Ultimatum no. 5

“You never show any affection towards me in public or in front of your friends. Do it, or else, no more night-out with guys for you.”

Xpert tactic: Compromise with her

Since she’s requesting a change of behavior from you, this is something of importance to her, so be prepared to cut a deal. Compromising with your girl shows her, that you value her point of view, but it also lets you retain your own self respect (read ego), without completely caving in. Since this ultimatum is a fairly grave one, and since you might not be comfortable showing your affections in public, it’s important to take the time to discuss when PDAs (public-display-of-affection) are and aren't acceptable. For example, you can reach a middle ground by agreeing to hold her hand when going to the mall, and she behaves when you're out with your buddies.

Ultimatum no. 6

“We hardly spend any time together and you don’t call me enough anymore; I’m not having sex with you.”

Response tactic: Empathize with her

A true Xpert knows that if an upset or angry woman is throwing ultimatums at you, she’s probably feeling frustrated in other areas in her life. What she’s really after is the feeling of emotional power from the safest source she can get it from - you - and the bonus benefit of your love & care. If her demanding and irrational behavior is obviously a result of tension elsewhere in her life and isn't really a valid reflection of the problems in your relationship, try setting the ultimatum aside and get to the root of her insecurities. As an example, she might be feeling isolated from her family or her best friend and is now looking towards you to fill a void.

Ultimatum no. 7

“You have six months to propose marriage, or I’m finding someone who will.”

Response tactic: Refuse to cave

An ultimatum forces a decision, whether you're ready for it or not. If you don't want to play games with your woman or are tired of repetitive threats, call her bluff and let her follow through with her “or else.” If she has announced that she'll leave you if you don't propose by your next anniversary, let her. She'll no doubt come back to reality pretty quickly when she realized that her plan isn't going to work.

Handling her threats Xpertly

Your woman’s ultimatums can make you feel as though you’re being pinned into a corner and they can put you on the defensive, which, of course, isn't going to make for a solid relationship. It's important to remember that not all ultimatums are created equal and, therefore, you can't respond the same way each time. When your girlfriend uses threats to get her way, the ball is in your court and the only thing you can control is your reaction. Knowing when to fight and when to go with the flow is the most vital ultimatum skill.

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